It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize