How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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