I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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