Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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