Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
