Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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