another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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