24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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