Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm having to shit out rocks
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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