I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
