i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I party with great urgency now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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