So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
