Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
