Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize