We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I didn't notice because vodka
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
