Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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