They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
