What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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