its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
