did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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