break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
