Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
