I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
