we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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