Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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