I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
