Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
