Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
