ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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