There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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