do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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