Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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