I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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