The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
