textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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