someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
