jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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