Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
