She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
