he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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