I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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