that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
