i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
