I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
