trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
