dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
