I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
