if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
