Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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