It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize