listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
