I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
