oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize