Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You ate ashes out of my bong
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
