How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
