i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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