He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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