And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
