I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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