Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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