YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
