I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
