I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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