WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
