hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize