Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
