And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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