it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
