The maid of honor just puked.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
