Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
