yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
