I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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