yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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