Screwed.edu
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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