any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
