She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
