just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
