Apparently you make a good broom.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
